Wednesday, December 10, 2014


My tinnitus has been driving me bunkers.

I don't talk about it often. It is something I dealt with my whole life to some extend, just not at THIS extend. When I was 13, my right ear drum ruptured and didnt close up.  I remember dealing with a ringing in that ear for quite some time. It was annoying, but not enough to really have me complain about it.  It was easily masked and forgotten about.

I've had constant ringing in my ears for 2 years now, going on 3 really.  Nothing at the intensity that I am experiencing now, but enough to really bother me. I thought I had it pretty "loud" until the moment I woke up from my surgery.   That is all I could hear at first. You know like those movies where there is an explosion and the person only hear a ringing for a while until the ears "come back"? Well like that, except it didnt come back.   Its like when your eyes adjust to a dark room and after some time, you can see better. Not all good, but better.  The room didnt get lighter, its your eyes that adjusted.  Its the same thing with tinnitus... our hearing kind of adjust.   Its hard sometimes to hear other things.

I can only hear the "tornado siren" if I am outside and its ringing at its peak (loudest).  Sometimes, I cant hear someone talk if their voice happen to have the same pitch as one of my 4 "sounds".

It is a very very dark and depressive thought to think I will never experience silence again. Ever. Never ever ever! Ok... nuff said...

Its so frustrating, because I dont deal well at all in a noisy environment.  I cant hear someone talk infront of me if there are other people talking close by.

I. Just. Cant. Do. It.

It's like my brain, or ears, or whatever, cannot multitask.  I have to focus really hard, and I manage. I often pretend to understand the conversation. I hear a word here and there. I make people repeat what they just said a lot.

I mean. A LOT.

Anyway, my tinnitus has been getting worse lately for some reason.  Its so loud that it is very hard to fall asleep. Jay bought me a white noise machine last year for Christmas.  It helps. Lately, I have been sleeping as close to it as possible. Haha It still only covers some of the noises in my head, but its better than nothing.

So, I made an appointment with my ENT for my tinnitus. He told me to go see him if it ever got worse. I am having it evaluated. There is no cure to this, so I dont really understand how this is a good thing to do.

Here is a test online you can do, weither you have tinnitus or not.  Basically, take note of the last Hz you hear. For you who have tinnitus, once you can hear anymore, it basically means that your tinnitus is louder than the sound that is playing , since its covering it up.  I cannot hear past 4000 and can barely hear 3000.

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