Friday, June 6, 2014

You gotta move it! move it!

One of the thing that I was looking forward the most at being able to do again was working out. I have not been able to work out since I was diagnosed, May 2012, so 2 years already! wow time fly!!  

The past year has been focused so much on getting back to a more normal self, taking care of my family and not depending on anybody for anything.  I am forever grateful that I was so blessed to prove my local doctors wrong with their "95% you will be in a nursing home" prognostic!!  Dr. Spetzler has a very long list of people who are doing amazing after trusting him with this surgery! I am far from being alone.  

Back to working out, I did push myself every day, which I believe the body is made for; just gotta really find the balance of how much is enough.  My limits never allowed me to do anything very strenuous, and cardio is what has been super hard for me because as soon as my heart rate rises some, I get very very dizzy and struggle to breathe.  Anyway,  2 weeks ago, I signed up for a YMCA Membership and this Monday, I had a customized workout set in place thru a program called Activtrax  (yes with my injured hand, no way i was going to cancel this appointment)  I did my first workout yesterday and I never felt so empowered, hopeful, somewhat depressed, strong and weak all at the same time before. haha   

I was a bit nervous to see if I could complete the workout, but determined to find out.  This workout is a paper you print out and simply do what machine and cardio it says.  Yesterday was arms work and cardio was up to me, but at least 20 mins, and some core work.   I must of looked funny when I sat down to do my first arm machine and my right arm flew the weight while my left struggle to pull it.   I got up and it is only after 1 mins of scratching my head than i thought "Wait, my left side is THIS much weaker than my right?!!  Yes, that's it!!"   SO here we are, it took me 15 months to notice how much weaker my left side is. Both my hands are weak from surgery, and not very coordinated, and I drop things  ALL the time, but I never did anything to show me how much weaker is my left side.   I also noticed that my right side could feel the burn, but not my left.  I laughed and somewhat enjoy my discovery! Makes me feel in control somehow!   For just a very quick 30 seconds, I felt like crying, because here I was, so excited to finally be there again, yet here was another challenge.  “How am I going to do this now?! “ I thought for a very quick moment.   

My thoughts went very fast in my mind and I wondered how I would be able to work both side equally  when the left side is weaker and number.  This image popped in my mind of my right side being all buff and muscular and my left side all fatty and weak. hahahaha  Made me laugh and I just remembered that even if I didn't feel my aching muscles, it didn't mean my workout are not going to work!! So I made the choice right then to push those depressive thoughts aside and focus on getting my left side stronger!!   I learned so much in Rehabilitation that I feel very confident that I can do this myself.  I have experienced the amazing things the body is capable of doing and healing like i never would've thought possible if i never got thru it.  

SO, I was able to do all of my arm workout.  In the past, I would of felt SO sore from this.  I was able to lift between 10-50 pounds depending on the machine. I used to do a lot more than that, but I am not comparing myself to before anymore. This is now, and I am happy with that. It can only get better.   

I was able to do 60 mins of cardio.  I did the elliptical, and old favorite.  There are handles you can put your hands and it shows your heart rate. Its very helpful for me even if its just an estimate!  I am learning a lot about myself.  I do feel the burn in both legs, so again I discovered that my left arm is the numb one, but my leg left is fine.  Its very nice to discover those things.   The assessment given by doctors don't go as deep as really finding out your limits, like how numb your muscles are. haha

So all this said, I was not sore this morning when I got up.  Believe it or not, I cant wait for the day that I feel sore again. You may think “You crazy!!” hahaha  The thing is, my  legs has not felt human in over 2 years.  I feel like im dragging some robot legs. I just want them to feel more. They do feel pain on the outside, but its like the inside is numb. I did feel the burn while doing my cardio and I was so excited haha  

All this said, I am very excited, so excited!!   I cannot wait to lose the weight I put on, but more than that, I cannot wait to feel, and be strong again!!  I dont care if I fall, pant like a dog, struggle to catch my breathe, fart, pee my pants, rip my pants (you see the picture) I WILL do it!!    

According to my plan, it will take me 17 weeks to reach my goal weight, both with exercise and good nutrition.  I just want to get back into all my clothes and be healthy/fit!  

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