Friday, August 30, 2013

A bunch of sickos

You all know that I am now officially screwed up in the head :)~ I always knew that, but its now official. I mean, I can feel the screws, so dont need to be nice, I can't deny this one. Hehehe

 So I am screwed up... and its been a house full of sickos... the stomach virus that is. Holy Moly... Fun times... It started with me, then Zachary (He missed school yesterday and is home today) and now Angelina (she is home today)... now to see who else is going to get it. I am hoping that the oldest son, the husband and the mother in law wont get it, but when it comes to stomach bugs, that is more than wishful thinking.

This hit me hard!! I will never forget what it feels like not being able to move at all, or walk, or just to be very very weak.  My legs never regained their super strong strength, yet, but this bug got me drag my feet. That makes me think... I miss having strong legs. I know I'll get there again, but I was always so active! Gym, walk, run, hike; on my feet all day long. However, I was told that is why I didnt take a year to walk again, so I will never, ever, ever complain about that. If I didnt have the leg muscles that I had, who knows maybe I'd still be using the walker. So... when i feel sad for myself that I cant run, or that a simple fast pace walk kills my legs, i remember how much weaker they could be, and I am thankful! If being sick is what it takes to really see how blessed I am, so be it :)

I started walking the dogs every night for about 20 mins. They love it, of course, and its a very big workout for me. I would be tempted to bring my cane if it was not from having to hold the leash. I never use my cane unless i have to walk fast (as i need support) or i am having a very bad day, which is getting rare. However, the dogs pull the leash just enough for me to have to hold one and somehow they balance my lack of balance. hahaha Let's call it Self Home Therapy. Who needs outpatient therapy anymore! haha

Well, I have to take care of my sickos. I hope they never get screwed up in the head like their mother, but i will deal with them being sickos :)

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Back to Civilization

That's what I like to call it :)  I love home. I love my hometown, but it is so far away, in the middle of nowhere...and considering you still have to make a 9 hours drive to go home if you flew to Montreal Airport... by the time you get there, you do feel that you are in the jungle somewhere. :)  

Kedgwick, NB, Canada

The kids and I had such a great time. I saw people I didn't see, some in 20 years, some in 12, others in about 7, the last time I took the kids there. Of course every body was amazed of how big they got.  Our first week there was nice and sunny, but the next 3 were chilly and rainy. We still had fun, as this trip was more to be with loved ones than to play tourist.  My sister and her boyfriend joined us for 2 weeks, and we had a blast, the whole family there together.  Only Jay was missing, but us siblings where there all at once.

My sister got the kids a great gift. Zip Lining on top of Grand falls waterfalls. haha  They saw online where it was, and I thought for sure that once they saw the falls in person, they would back out, but nooo they got even more excited! I was scared to watch them do that!! Their joy and excitement was contagious tho!   They did great, Angelina even letting go of the handles and putting her arms in the air. haha However, I had a few seconds there where my heart stopped because once it got time to Zachary, the wind pushed him back way in the middle of the Falls. He was dangling there, not being able to move forward.  They had to go "rescue" him.  However,  he was so calm and even smiled at the camera. Later, he told me "I was scared at first, but I chose not to be scared and so I wasn't" haha  I guess me telling them that everything we control about ourselves, from actions to emotions, is a choice, worked.   Here is the video :) 

We don't see on the video the view I was seeing from the side. Here it is. It's beautiful, but seeing my little boy hanging on top of it... Hmm I Chose not to be scared too :)   I was very proud of my "not scared little boy"

This is my sister on the picture. But it shows you what it looked like.  :) 

Car... ahhh Car... About 100 miles before I got to my hometown after driving for so long, the car broke down... I felt pretty stupid that I was never prepared for something like this. I don't know how to handle Towing, insurance, and all that stuff.  I was helpless... However, as helpless as I felt, on the side of the highway with my kids, in a 90 degree heat (it gets super hot in the car let me tell you) I only had my local car dealership in my phone contacts, so I called them.  They gave me other numbers to call, and I was on the phone for a good hour with a lady that was trying to locate me. haha I am sure if she was bored, I made her day :)  A towing finally came to get us. When he called me to confirm that I still needed him, I told him I had 3 kids with me. He was pissed because they didn't tell him that. They were supposed to call a taxi for me when I mentioned  I had 3 kids with me.  So, he said "Let me ring my girlfriend, she is swimming at her friend, but I know she will want to help out and she can come pick you up and take you to St.Leonard (where my dad was going to pick us up) , and she did!!!  " I am Home!" I thought... witnessing a "no problem, not complicated, quick help response"  I was so thankful.   Not only that, but instead of taking my car directly to the shop, he followed us to St.Leonard (30Mins away) just to make sure I could take out all the luggage I needed.  The towing was still in the gas station parking lot when my dad showed up, with this worried look on his face.  I never panicked or create a fuss/drama on much of anything, so I think that the fact I was happy made him feel a lot better.     

Long story short, the car was at the shop the WHOLE time I was there. Not only that, but was late too... It was only 3 days late, but to me that was a huge difference... it meant that I had to come home very quickly instead of taking my time like I did on the way up.  I need a lot of breaks.... more than I thought. Driving 5-6 hours a day on the way up was just right, to my limit on those days even.  I certainly pushed myself on the way down.  It took us about 15 hours in the car per day, for 2 days.  Its supposed to be a 22hours ride non stop, but I needed breaks every hour and a half about. However, the kids needed it too, they did fantastic, and in the end, we are alive and well. 

This sums up a bit of my "now that I survived this thing, I need to go see all the people I thought I'd never see again" *giggle*  trip,  here we are home. 

The kids started school yesterday.  They are all going to different schools now. Angelina is in Elementary, Zachary in Middle school and Sebastien is a Freshman in Highschool.  In fact, I just asked you "what are you again?" haha because I keep forgetting... I know... bad huh?  I don't know why there are things, that no matter how often I asked, and how hard I try to remember, I forget!  Words, Numbers, Names, Places, Dates... you would think that I never forget any information about my children, but I do...  I often think I am 33, not 35. Wait, am I 33? Yea, Yea I am :) 

Talking about Memory, I guess that brings me to a post surgery update!  Well, I would say that it has stalled as far as progress go, but after 5 months, I have reached milestones that some people take much longer than 5 months, if ever.... so I never feel sorry for myself for the issues that I do have. Never.  Writing is still very , very hard, both in writing itself to make it readable, and also how my hand "dies" after a few sentences. So If I fill out a kids form for school (Boy we know about those this time of year) I have to take a break when I realize I cant form the letters anymore.   It does look okay, like a second grader. If my hand didn't get so stiff and numb after such a short time, maybe I could get better.  Its still weird to me to see my old signature, or writing on my recipe cards for instance.   

I can get quite confused at time... if I have to think of something that is detailed, or I am trying to explain something complicated.  I just give up, and say that I have a brain fart. haha 

The tinnitus is the same.  I accepted the fact that I will never know complete silence again.  When there is a lot of noise in the house, or public, I do have to leave a room, or tell the kids to keep it down some.  More than 2 different noises at a time make my brain fog, literally.  It really is 3-4, because my head rings 2 different tones, sometimes 3.  Sudden loud noise plainly hurt, like a knife. Like my dog bark! Urgh.  You never hear me complain about it tho.  I don't expect to people to become all quiet around me, I just take a little break when it gets too much for me :) 

My head... ahhh that's a weird one.  My neck ,right at the base of the skull, as been hurting and is so sore. What is weird, is as much as it hurts, it feels so good to give it a good rub. Its a mystery. I saw the Doctor today about it, and he said its Nerve pain. They are "waking up". They were just numb from the surgery, and because they got to my brainstem cutting from the base of my skull to up my ear (right), and they went all the way thru the brain to reach it, a lot of nerves there were affected. It's called Sensory Nerve Damage caused by "trauma".  

Sensory nerve damage may produce the following symptoms:
  • pain
  • sensitivity
  • numbness
  • tingling or prickling
  • burning
  • problems with positional awareness
In some instances, people with nerve damage will have symptoms that indicate damage to two, or even three, different types of nerves. For instance, you might experience weakness and burning of your legs at the same time.

He gave me a prescription for a medicine that relaxes the nerves. If that doesn't work, I will have therapy.  To tell you the truth, I would of preferred Therapy now instead if medicine. I don't like taking medicine.  To me taking medicine just to cover a symptom is like putting  a band aid on a broken leg.  I'd rather fix the problem instead of masking it.  He is the doctor that sent me for my MRI in the first place instead of doing like so many Doctors does and say "oh its nothing, just go home and take it easy". So I trust him. :)  

My legs that were not supposed to walk again, walk just fine. They are still stiff, and they get tired very easy. I needed to start using my cane again on days that I just was around all day, running errands, etc. I don't do it often, but on particularly busy days, I need it. My legs just hurt. I alternate the cane to give each leg  a break.  I really would need my walker to go faster, but I don't want to... I put that thing away 3 months ago, I don't want to get it out!   Its not that my legs got worse, its just that I started doing more... and I guess doing more, they are not quite there yet.  

There are two things I don't think I ever updated you on. I think its the fact that Dr.Spetzler took those 2  things away by removing this thing out of my head.  The blood in my brain was causing my  left side becoming numb, that is what drove me to see a Doctor in the first place. It was also causing simple partial seizures. I am happy to say that I have not had one since the surgery. Not even once. I am not taking seizure medicine either. They were caused by the bleeding. The numbness was caused by the bleeding too... I do still get numbness and my hands gets really tingly if I hold on something or touch something for 5 min and more.  I switch ears a lot when talking on the phone because of that, to switch hands, and also when I am driving.  

My speech gets bad when I am tired, and sometimes I am not tired.  Its mentally too. I actually noticed that if I feel stressed, or mentally tired, my speech is at his worse.  Driving home from Canada, my speech got so bad at some point, no matter how hard I try to articulate the words, it was just a big mumbling and the words just didn't come out. It was never this bad before. It lasted about 15 min. I think its because I was physically exhausted and mentally drained. haha  The good thing is, I do good 90% of the time, and nobody, not even my family, know that my tongue is hard to control and I put extra effort in articulating my words.  So if you met me in the street and didn't know me, unless I'd be having one of those funky moment, you wouldn't know I have difficulty articulating.  

My double vision is all gone! Well I think you knew that.  That's the reason why I can drive! I feel so blessed. Right after the surgery, even after I got home, I thought for sure I would never drive again, my vision was so bad....

I hurt another toe. haha Not as bad of course....  my other toe healed up pretty good. The nail is gone, but it doesn't even show since I put nail polish on where it was, and the shape of the toe looks so normal. haha I keep dropping things.... and it lands on my toe...  I am happy I don't have a little crawling baby around!! 

I hope you are all doing great!  Never be shy to leave me a quick comment! I would love to hear from you! Where you are from, what brought you here, your name, your cat's name, your favorite food... nah, that's ok.. hahaha In other words, anything you'd like to say!