Monday, June 18, 2012

The tomato

Jay and I met online.  We were just friends for a long time.   We never actually planned, or thought, that we’d end up marrying each other. He was much older, and i was much younger.  (something we never thing about now)  We just were hoping the other (both single parents) would find the right person some day and be happy.   I would say “the woman he will marry is a lucky one!”  and he would think the same on his end, but funny enough, our love for each other was a caring one, wanting the best for the other, and we didn’t have any romantic plan.

The first time we met in person, 2 years after we started talking online, I saw him standing at the end of the terminal at the Airport and he was wearing a red shirt, which he told me he was going to wear so I would know who he is. I knew what he looked like, but we wanted to make sure.   He had seen my face, and i told him I was wearing a black dress, which I was, so we both recognized each other right away.    I felt as if i was seeing a old friend again. Someone I had missed… it didn’t feel like it was the first time seeing him!

I saw right away in his eyes that he really cared about me.  He told me how much more beautiful i was in person. However, he didn’t tell me anything like “i love you” or anything like that.   He never told me he loved me because he didn’t want to put any discomfort into our friendship and focused on caring for me as a friend and hoping the best for me.

Jay was  growing tomato plants in his bachelor pad backyard. They were beautiful, ripe, bright red, sweet and perfect. I always loved tomatoes, but hey, its a tomato, nothing to be obsessed about.     The day before I left, i was stressed out and worried and heartbroken because I was still dealing with fears and battles with my ex husband, the reason why I went to see Jay in the first place, because i needed to be somewhere where my ex wouldn’t find me and where i felt safe.

I was so happy with Jay, life was so simple, i felt so safe and secure and just overall joy and peace.   I didn’t want to leave, but I had to. I had to deal with court and custody papers.  I was very sad and was trying hard to smile, but couldn’t.  Jay’s eyes were so bright, so shinny!  He looked sad too.  We didn’t know what to say. We were both dead silent.   I knew how much I loved him, and he knew how much he loved me, but it is as if we didn’t want to say it out loud, simply because we simply knew, and we knew of how complicated things were. Yet, deep inside, I still felt as if our love was so simple.

I had tears in my eyes and Jay noticed…  Suddenly, he took me and sat me on his kitchen counter so I would be at his height. (he is 6’7)   He said “stay there, don’t move, and close your eyes”  So i did.  A minute later, he said “ok, open your mouth” and there is was… the most delicious, sweetest, perfect tomato I had ever tasted.    Yup, from his plant!   I ate my tomato bite and kept my eyes closed…  tears started pouring.  Silent tears i call them.  tears of sweetness , thankfulness and heartbreak all at once.     I stood up, on his counter, and we just hugged.  I cried at that moment.  We didn’t talk. We knew . We just  knew that we were meant to each other. We knew instantly that our love for one another was so much deeper than butterflies in stomach, or thrill of seeing each others name pop up on a chat list.    We knew. No words needed be told.  We knew that no matter what happened between us,  we would always love each other in a love that I believe few people on this earth will ever share, either they are a couple or not.

It was incredibly painful.    We both said goodbye, knowing how much we loved each other, more than many couple, yet, we really thought we would never be together.  When i got home in Canada after 2 days of travel, that is when he admitted to love me for a long time, but meeting me in person, sharing laughs, and talks, confirmed that. I was the woman of his dreams and he was ready to accept that we could not be together  but he would seriously beat some ass if another man would use or hurt me. haha     I couldn’t imagine “dating” someone else.  I loved him, and deep down we both had hopes that we could be together some day.

It took 2 more years for us to be able to be together.  Those 2 years were some of the most painful of my life, but at the same time, some of the most hopeful and beautiful.   I got pregnant with our daughter before we could be together and she was born in Canada.   I didn’t think i could ever give birth to another baby, and Jay had long ago stopped hoping for a baby.     We were finally be able to be a family  7 months after our daughter’s birth.

My husband is my best friend, my soul mate.   He knows me better than I know myself. We will never take each others presence for granted.  Being apart for so long was so hard, yet, I am thankful for it.  It made us very strong.
You can see love in the simplest thing.  For me, its in the bite of a tomato.  A tomato showed me the love of a man.  I am happy that my eyes were open to see it, and my heart ready to receive it.

For that, I am forever grateful.

1 comment:

  1. Amy says:
    July 3, 2012 at 7:14 am
    So beautiful Lisanne.